Was parenting always as difficult as this?

I have a problem dealing with child raising and most of the time, I don't know what to do.

The basic premise is to help her grow up to be a part of the world she will live in, belong to it and thrive in it.

Only, times and systems are changing and it doesn't help when decision makers of your country have their own agenda and don't care how your individual child turns out, and/or simply don't know how to deal with change.

I want her to be knowledgeable, an independent thinker, creative and productive, but also someone who recognizes her responsibilities and fullfils them, and as a result, be a well adjusted, satisfied individual. It is not as easy as saying it.

There is a rift between what I want her to be and do, and what she is and doing, and I need to find a way to bridge that rift.

I know my child. Rewards and punishments donot work. Threats about taking her priviliges away are cruel and unrealistic. And as I am the one who knows her best and as noone is as interested as me in solving this problem, I need to find a solution. . I need to find a solution especially tailored for her, to mobilize, motivate and get results.

Where is the balance between forcing a schedule on her and letting her find her way?